(Thanks to The Hill Family for providing us with this unique perspective from afar)
I’m sitting at my desk with the twinkling lit Christmas tree behind me. It’s January 4th and today a friend wondered why I hadn’t taken our tree down yet. Several reasons came to mind but one resonated tonight –
In the fall of 2008, I happily purchased a Christmas tree from an expat who was moving back to the states from our city in Thailand. Our old tree had seen too many holidays and shed one too many artificial pine needles. It wasn’t sturdy any longer to hold our ornaments. Unfortunately when Christmas time arrived that year, I was so disappointed as I began to set up our “new” tree. The base had only three legs and couldn’t stand up. There were several broken branches that would not stay attached and there were big bare gaps. I borrowed a leg from our old tree to fit into the base of this new tree so it would prop up, but you didn’t dare touch it or it would begin to sway! I tried hanging the broken branches just right so they would stay but knew they couldn’t hold a single ornament. I was sobered that someone would even sell me a tree like that, let alone not tell me the truth. And I ached over wanting a beautiful tree. Thus the plan, make it through another Christmas and try to replace it again in the big school yard sale next year.
When spring of 2009 came, some family friends were moving back to the states and they sold their Christmas tree to us – I was excited and hopeful. Fall arrived and so did the school yard sale! We cleaned house and set off to sell our unwanted treasures including our disheartening old Christmas tree. Toward the last hour of the sale, my goods had dwindled to just a couple of boxes of stuff and my one lone Christmas tree box. One Thai man approached the box and my heart quickened hoping I could be rid of this disappointment. Knowing I couldn’t sell it for much at all, I quickly said to him, “20 Baht (equal to 80 cents) – As Is!”. He looked inside the box, shrugged his shoulders, handed me 20 baht and walked off with the tree. Yeah! I didn’t have to lug that “Charlie Brown” tree home! I was filled with anticipation about my “new” tree I had at home waiting for Christmas. I was so satisfied.
Thanksgiving passed and it was time for the new tree! My daughter, Cecilia, helped me pull the tree out of the box and we began the assembling process. I reached for the base and then quickly searched the box. It was missing a leg too! This tree couldn’t stand upright either! I fixed another leg for this tree and while standing it up, broken branches fell to the floor. In panic, I said to Cecilia, “ Daddy is NOT going to be happy! What is wrong with Christmas trees in Asia?! Are they all broken?!!”… Graham came home from work about 10 minutes later and I had the tree standing. He asked what was wrong with it. I quickly jumped, “Well the top is beautiful isn’t it? The top is definitely more beautiful than last year’s tree!” He surveyed the whole tree and looked at me, “Felicity, this is our old tree”. Confused, I replied, “No, it is not! The top is so much fuller”. “Felicity, this is our old tree…..” My heart began to sink and a pit formed in my stomach, “How?…..” .
Long and short of it – In the rush of the early morning trip to the yard sale, I had grabbed the wrong tree box…. I sold the wrong tree at the sale– the new tree- “As Is for 20 Baht!” and now I had our ailing, broken, holey, old Christmas tree once again staring at me! I sunk. The sweet anticipation of our night of decorating evaporated! I retreated to the kitchen and my ten year-old son followed saying, “Mom, maybe we just need to be content with what we have”. Graham quickly entered, “Evan, good thought but NOT NOW, just let mom cry.” And I did. Not a good night in the Hill household! The next few days unfolded and slowly the humor entered in. Graham quipped, “I can just see that Thai man setting up his Christmas tree he purchased from us and looking puzzled and wondering, “As Is?”….this beautiful Christmas tree, AS IS?” How could we not laugh. Kind of. The rest of the week we tried to joke about our “As Is Tree” that was now standing in our own living room.
Several days passed and I went out for a cup of coffee and a quiet time with the Lord. I was journaling about Advent, Christmas, and of course, my tree. My heart began to quietly clear and settle. I thought of the tree, I thought of me – I’m just like that tree! I reflected on my own unsteadiness, my own holes and broken places, and my own imperfections as I walk with and worship Him. I am not perfect and gracefully symmetrical, just like this tree! I can only come to Him “As Is”, humbly, needing Him, needing to receive Him, His touch, His grace. And I had to confess not only my discontentment with my imperfect Christmas tree, but my wanting to create a perfect Christmas. So often I live in the tension of the cultural sentimentality of Christmas versus the truth of the Christmas story. We all live in that tension to some degree, don’t we? At least I do! In the end of my time, my heart was calm and I was able to say I was thankful even for my imperfect Christmas tree. “Lord, I’m ok with this tree!” Let it be a reminder of my own heart and need of you! Later that day while checking out Christmas books from the school library, I came across a book entitled, “Why Christmas Trees aren’t Perfect” (by: Richard Schneider) and I just had to laugh! I’m amazed at how He relates with us at so many different levels – how personally He comes to us even in the simple things and how wonderfully cared for I feel in the midst of it. Thank you Jesus. It was a good day.
Well, The next morning I got up early to let our puppy out and through sleepy eyes, spotted a big box at the end of our driveway. As I walked closer, I couldn’t believe my eyes! There stood a Christmas tree box with a big sign revealing a typed out message for the Hill Family which ended with “Merry Christmas!” A Christmas Tree?!! A NEW Christmas tree?! “Dear Lord! Who did this”?! I half laughed, half cried in disbelief. Everyone in our house church denied giving it, or so I thought. Perhaps they or perhaps a delivery simply sent from Him. Amazing isn’t it?!… So, I’m sitting here with our new tree still up, lingering in our home and it is beautiful – just as He is. And me, I’m still “As Is” with my broken branches and holes but He is making me/us, His creation, beautiful as only He can.
Sending you Love,
The Hill family (names have been changed for security)
P.S. By the way, we did dispose of the old Christmas tree to prevent any future confusion!! :>
